A moderate social cover-up can make relationships smoother, but it should not be used as a tool to obscure reality. Genuine relationships should be transparent, authentic, and built on trust and agreements, rather than relying solely on artificial social norms or superficial human connections.
Let me start with my own experience. When I first settled in the U.S., I participated in community volunteer work, church activities, and joined a gun club. My intentions were simple—I had never really contributed to society as an individual before, I was genuinely interested in these activities, and more importantly, I wanted to experience classic American community culture. So, I chose the most traditional ways to immerse myself, to understand, and once I accepted it, I quietly started to cultivate my place within these communities.
However, from a realistic perspective, no matter the society, human relationships ultimately boil down to an exchange of interests—a calculated game, just with different approaches. From my personal experience, American community culture maintains a necessary social cover-up. It doesn’t always conceal things completely, but because people share common faiths and interests, they genuinely invest in their communities first. Every effort is recognized, and over time, these contributions naturally transform into reciprocal benefits. Time itself plays an immeasurable role in this process—on the positive side, the very fact that it cannot be quantified reduces the extent of calculation and scheming. The downside, however, is that it introduces uncertainty, as well as the unavoidable influence of individual personalities within these micro-societies.
Even within the church, I joined a mainstream, predominantly white, open congregation. Since there are many Chinese immigrants in the area, naturally, there were also quite a few Chinese attendees. Some of them—not that elderly Chinese women are inherently problematic—but their perspectives were strikingly blunt. Once I became somewhat familiar with them, they started “educating” me—explaining who in the church held what profession, what social status, and how to build connections with them, how to get them to help me, and who might be particularly beneficial. At that moment, the social cover-up was completely stripped away. The advantage of this approach was obvious—high efficiency, immediate results, and a clear sense of quantifiable returns. But emotions are inherently unquantifiable. This fundamental contradiction grows over time, and eventually, even long-term relationships become unreliable.
If America’s necessary social cover-up serves as a lubricant for societal function, then the Chinese version is nothing more than a rotten, decaying facade—one that barely even serves a functional purpose. It’s not that Chinese society lacks a cover-up, but rather, it is built upon an illogical, artificial framework of social relationships. Everyone is engaged in a game of concealment, but what they’re covering up is not just social conflicts—it is reality itself.
1. The Nature of Relationships: Is Social Cover-Up a Lubricant or a Concealment?
Western Society’s Cover-Up: Rule-Based, Maintaining Order
The social cover-up in Western societies is essentially a lubricant that ensures social interactions remain smooth. It does not exist to hide problems but rather to make social exchanges more manageable:
- Workplace relationships: You don’t need to build a personal relationship with your boss, nor do you have to ingratiate yourself with a particular social group. As long as you follow the rules and perform your job well, your position in the workplace is secure.
- Public socialization: Even if two people dislike each other, they can still maintain basic politeness and avoid direct conflict.
- Political correctness: Although aspects of it may seem hypocritical, at the very least, it preserves a functional social order and minimizes unnecessary conflicts.
But this doesn’t mean Western society is entirely “authentic.” Its social cover-up is one of systematized deception. The real purpose is to keep social calculations discreet and in line with the overarching system. You may think you’re in a transparent, open social environment, but in reality, you’ve merely adapted to a more sophisticated set of social rules. In workplaces, social settings, and political environments, relationships of mutual exploitation still exist; they are just repackaged into a more professional, palatable form of interaction—to the extent that even pretentiousness appears justified.
Chinese Society’s Cover-Up: A Facade of Harmony, Concealing Reality
In contrast, the social cover-up in Chinese culture is primarily an instrument of concealment. It does not actually reduce interpersonal friction but instead makes social fractures appear “normal”:
- Family relationships: Even when deep resentments exist among relatives, they still put on a show of harmony during holidays, avoiding difficult conversations.
- Workplace culture: Bosses and employees may secretly despise each other, yet they continue to act like one big family, all while secretly stepping on one another to get ahead.
- Social interactions: Many Chinese immigrants abroad still instinctively evaluate who is “useful” and who is not in the most direct way possible, while simultaneously putting on the pretense of “we are all fellow countrymen.”
This is fundamentally different from the Western “rules-based” cover-up—Chinese social cover-ups are built upon “face,” hierarchical power dynamics, and performative human connections. Relationships are not just utilitarian; they are fully instrumentalized, to the point where even the effort of pretending to be non-utilitarian is abandoned. This is why, even in overseas Chinese communities, whether in churches or social organizations, the moment familiarity is established, someone inevitably starts giving “advice” on how to maximize social transactions.
While the Western social cover-up keeps society functional, the Chinese version makes interpersonal relationships increasingly unpredictable.
2. The Consequences of Social Cover-Ups
Regardless of whether it’s the East or the West, social cover-ups are inevitable. The key question is:
- Do they make relationships more stable, or more superficial?
- Do they reduce social calculations, or simply make them more insidious?
Western Social Cover-Up
✔ Predictable social structures
✔ Reduced interpersonal friction
✖ Can lead to excessive coldness and transactional relationships
✖ Implicit power structures still dictate the social order
Chinese Social Cover-Up
✖ Makes interpersonal relationships more complex and manipulative
✖ Allows unresolved issues to fester under the surface
✔ Maintains a superficial sense of harmony, but at the cost of trust
✔ Historically, it functioned as a necessary survival strategy in resource-limited environments
3. When the Cover-Up Fails: Who Suffers the Most?
You might argue, “Everyone understands the nature of social relationships, so why bother worrying about the cover-up?”
But in reality, when the cover-up collapses, it is not the powerful or the wealthy who suffer—it is those who naively believed they could rely on these artificial relationships.
- In Western society, the most disillusioned people are those who blindly believed in the fairness of the system. They followed every rule, believing society to be transparent, only to find out that those who truly wield power and wealth operate beyond the rules.
- In Chinese society, the most devastated people are those who believed in “human relationships above all.” They devoted themselves to maintaining interpersonal connections, thinking it would provide security, only to realize that trust is never based on goodwill alone—but rather on power, status, and resources.
Final Thoughts
Social cover-ups are not inherently bad. The real question is:
- Are they serving as a lubricant to facilitate social interactions, or as a mask to hide deeper issues?
Ultimately, the issue isn’t whether Western or Chinese societies are more “authentic,” but rather, which system’s cover-up is more functional.
- Western society’s cover-up is a necessary lubricant—it is still deceptive, but at least it maintains order.
- Chinese society’s cover-up is a psychological numbing agent—it is not only deceptive but also actively prevents people from facing reality.
In the end, those who fail to recognize the nature of these social cover-ups are the ones who pay the highest price.
Shao Suyang's Blog 
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